An
important question a man has to answer if he wants to find a wife is, “Where
should I look?” Since the time that our Lord
walked the earth, a believer found a wife or husband in one of three primary
circles (from friends of family, church associations, or their network of
friendships [work/neighborhood/school etc.]). Fast forward thousands of years
to our new digital age, without borders, and a new circle for finding a spouse has
arisen—the Internet. Last month, I had the privilege of officiating a wedding
where a brother in our church was encouraged by a missionary friend to pursue a
sister in the Lord who lived in Brazil. Not knowing a lick of Portuguese, he pursued
her via the Internet using Google Translate to communicate. As they say, the
rest is His-story. God, who is able to do all things, can certainly bring two
believers together from opposite sides of the globe. That’s no problem for Him.
But the question for us is, is it prudent to find an Internet spouse? What does
the Bible say? Here are a couple of biblical principles that might help you
answer this question and find a wife.
1st Is the Internet the most
profitable way to look for a wife?
The
Bible teaches that Christians can marry anyone they want (so long as they marry
another believer “in the Lord” [1
Cor 7:39]). But with the gracious principle of liberty believers have in
Christ, we are also commanded to “Therefore be
careful how you walk, not as unwise
men but as wise,” Eph 5:15. Paul specifically applies this principle to
the kinds of relationships believers can enter into. He writes, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are
profitable,” 1 Cor 6:12. It seems that in this verse, Paul is responding to the
shallow reasoning some single Corinthians used to justify being in
relationships that they had no business being in. They seemed to be parading
their liberty of not being under the law and therefore considered themselves
free to do whatever they wanted. Paul responded that believers do have
liberties, but our liberties must be circumvented by the principle that we need
to choose ways that are more beneficial and advantageous. So before you turn on
your computer to find a wife, make sure you are accurately answering the
question, “Is the Internet a more advantageous way for me to find a spouse than
looking within the circles of my Christians relationships: church, family, or
friendships?
2nd Is the Internet the wisest
way to find a match made in heaven?
The
miracle of marriage is that God takes two people and makes them into one flesh
or one new person (Gen 2:24). The first marriage was paradigmatic in the sense
that Adam and Eve were literally of the same bone and flesh. God made Eve from
Adam, then rejoined them in marriage. Therefore, their marriage union was the
reuniting of a separated single person back into one flesh. Genesis 2:24
applies the reality of the first one flesh union to what God does
supernaturally to all monogamous husband and wife unions. A husband and wife by
God’s design are to become one in every sense. So in finding a spouse, Christians
are finding the person with whom God has so designed for them to become one
person. This would suggest that by God’s providence there need to be points of
deep compatibility because the husband and wife have to fit together as one new
person. If they are different in everything, then they will be prone to having
conflicts over everything.
On
the surface, it appears that Internet dating services are uniquely designed to address
this concern. Those who are looking for a spouse can narrow their search to
individuals that meet all their lists of wants: ethnicity, physical appearance,
hobbies, personality test similarities, politics, specific Christian convictions,
etc. Some sites even guarantee that through their scientific process, their
match will be a match made in heaven.
