I love everything about weddings. I love their beauty. I
love the mystery how out of all the billions of people on earth one man and one
woman fall so in love that they vow to join together in a lifelong monogamous
union. I love that out of all the ways God reveals His glory, He uniquely
designed marriage to display His love for His people. With all that marriage
offers and is (leading Peter to call it “the grace of life”) why would any
godly brother let it pass him by? If you don’t want marriage to pass you by,
then keep reading and let me offer you five more tips of biblical advice on how
to find a wife.
1st Pray for
a Wife
I know this sounds obvious, but first you must pray. John 15:7 promises, “If you abide in Me, and My
words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” God wants
us to pray. He is the One who commands, “ask for whatever you wish!” By abiding
in Jesus’ words, our prayer will be, “Father let Your will be done in my life,
not mine.” When we pray in God’s will (and praying for a wife is), then we can
be assured that He hears us. Persevere in prayer, brothers, God is not trying
to trick you. He promises that “we must not only believe that He is, but that
He is a rewarder of those who seek Him” (Heb 11:6). So while God commands us to
pray, He also promises to answer! Therefore, in order to find a wife, pray
fervently. There is nothing that I prayed harder and longer for than for a
wife. There was a saying that went around some years ago using the acronym for
pray called P.U.S.H. It stood for Pray
Until Something Happens. God
answers prayer! His answer might be “no,” “not this one,” or “wait,” but He
will answer, and you must pray believing that. So keep PUSHING until you get a wife!
2nd Lead Your Sisters
Back in the day, farmers used to pray with a hoe in their
hand. That meant that although they
prayed depending on God to do everything, they knew that God would work His
answer out through them. Not surprisingly, the surest way to not find a wife is
to pray and then avoid spending time with sisters in Christ. That being said, the
Bible doesn’t call single men to be Casanovas. In 1 Timothy 5:2, Paul through
Timothy commands single men to treat women “as sisters in all purity.” So before
you can be a good husband, learn to be a good brother. Single men, leading
means initiating! You must organize
times in your church to encourage your sisters in Christ. You set up fun events like bowling outings. You plan ministry trips to the Union Rescue Mission. Always escort
the single sisters in your church to banquets. Be gentle, hold doors, greet
them, encourage them. In other words, lead while you are learning to be good platonic
brothers/friends. And establish your brother-sister relationships in
such a way that you maintain the godly reputation of being a one-woman kind of
man (1 Tim 3:2). Don’t be a flirt, and don’t casually enter in and out of
so-called dating relations.
3rd Live a
Life of Worship
Jesus died for you so that you could live for God. Are you doing
that?! Romans 12:1 describes the only proper response to Jesus’ great work of
salvation is giving your life to Him as a living sacrifice. Romans 12:2 further
describes what that looks like. It commands us to avoid passively allowing the
world to mold our thinking. I pray that this would be true for brothers,
especially in the area of marriage. Reject the world’s powerful influence to be
passive about marriage. Instead of being molded by the lies of the god of this world,
keep reaffirming the significance and blessing of marriage. Romans 12:2 gives
commands, brothers. While you are commanded to stop passively allowing the world
to mold you, God commands you to keep allowing His Word to transform you. When
you consistently live this way, this verse gives you a marvelous promise to
embrace. God’s will, which is perfect and good, will find you. Did you catch
that? When you radically live for God instead of the world, your Father in Heaven,
who knows your needs, will lead you to His will—in the case of marriage, to the
one He has picked for you.
4th Be Wise
Use wise speech. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be
“no” (Matt 5:37). Be disciplined with
your tongue and time. “Too much of anything is bad” (Prov 25:16), especially
getting together with a single sister late at night! Avoid the appearance of
evil (1 Thess 5:22). Practice guarding your sister’s heart so that you don’t
defraud her by promising what you won’t fulfill (1 Thess 4:6). And never go out
with unbelievers. The only way a Christian can marry an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14)
is if he compromises and dates one first. Make a plan about how you will lead, and
be accountable to it (Prov 20:18). Don’t touch single women (1 Cor 7:1).
They’re not yours! Don’t arouse or awaken love before the time (Song 2:7; 3:5;
8:4). And make sure you are spiritually and emotionally mature enough to lead
and provide for a sister before you ask if you can pursue her as a wife.
5th Make a
Commitment
If God didn’t give you the gift of singleness, then know
that He wants to give you a wife! Fear brings death to faith, and without faith
it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). In a prayerful, godly, disciplined,
and wise way, look for your missing rib! And know that God will lead you to
her. He’s not trying to trick you. She won’t be perfect, but she will be
perfect for you. You need a helper, so when God leads you to her through prayer
and counsel, God will confirm that she is the one. When He does, ask that
sister if you can cross the brother sister line to see if God’s will for you
two is marriage. At this stage of the relationship, you must walk by the
Spirit. If you do, then you will manifest the fruit of self-control. If you are
walking in the flesh, you won’t. The bottom line is if you are not a
sanctifying influence in her life, and she is not helping you grow in Christ
likeness, then believe what you see. Stop the relationship because something is
wrong. Yellow lights mean slow down, not speed up. And red lights mean to stop
altogether. But if the Spirit is saying “yes” and counselors [especially
Christian parents (1 Cor 7:36) and pastors] agree, then get a ring and get down
on your knee and propose.
I am sure there is more helpful advice one could find (in
fact I will write a little more about Internet dating and a woman’s role in
pursuing marriage in my next 2 posts), but I hope these biblical tips will help.
May God grant you the grace you need to find a wife. I’m
praying for you, brothers.
3 comments:
Thank you Pastor Scott for these biblical truths about seeking a godly wife and marriage. I am a mother of four sons that needs to read this blog, I will be sharing it with them. You are such a good teacher and I thank God for you. Can't wait to read your blog about a women's role in pursuing marriage. I will be looking forward to reading it. I'm divorced (no will of my own) and looking to learn what biblical advice you have about it, and is it biblically ok for a divorced women to marry again?
Thank you for your generous words of encouragement. I'll add a 5th part to this series to answer your question "is it biblically ok for a divorced woman to marry again?" Grace and peace to you and your sons.
I was finally able to read part 2. I knew I was missing 1 of them. Good stuff Bobby.
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